Welcome, Bowski!! You've come to the right place. I, too, have struggled with alcoholism pretty much my whole adult life. I've had a few blessed times in recovery--went 8 years without a drink at one point--but I'm back again and the last time I started drinking again it got worse than it's ever been. Had my last drink 20 days ago and I'm starting to feel much better. It hasn't been easy. The first few days were terrible but I got through it and so can you. Life is so much simpler now that I've taken alcohol out of the equation. I no onger have to worry about how I'm going to get my next drink, when I'm going to get my next drink, where I'm going to get my next drink, how much I'm going to drink, whether I'm safe to drive, if people will know I'm drunk, if I'm going to be able to wake up in the morning.... The list goes on and on. Today I'm just not going to drink. One day at a time and the days keep adding up.
Hang in there. Keep reading and posting. There is a lot of support right here--all you have to do is ask. And please do join us on the August 2016 thread! We're a great team. You'll be welcomed with open arms...