Fearing a slip
Hello folks,
I'm nearing my 90 day mark, and I have had no desire to drink.
Today I saw my new Primary Care Dr. I found one outside of our city's tight-knit medical community - one that has absolutely sh*t all over my good name for the past year. My medical records are so full of exaggerations, errors, and straight-up lies you wouldn't believe it, and since I'm poor and on Medicaid I'm expendable, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to see things put right.
I did not sign a release of records today, and I got a call about it when I got home - just when I was about to call them to explain. I gave them some pertinent info they could have then said I would discuss my medical records when I see the Dr. in a month. They said that was fine.
And YET, I usually get a "that's just fine" song and dance, then everyone get's suspicious and the whole cycle of "she's a liar" starts all over again.
Two and a half years ago I literally begged drs. to help me with my perimenopause AND drinking. NOTHING. I'm sick of this cr*p and afraid that this cycle will never end. And for the first the first time I feel like drinking....damn it, really drinking. My Guy will keep an eye on me, but I can't take this systematic destruction of my reputation. The town I live in is a nightmare. Gossip is the greatest currency and people are just as mean as can be.
I want to get drunk and forget all of it. Problem is: I know the next time I drink will be the last, because I'll likely go off the deep end and just end it.
Sorry about this post, sorry I'm weak, I'm sorry I was born this way.
Thanks for listening.