I was thinking about something Ann said about my tendency to microanalyze. She was correct about that and it did not escape my notice. It usually applies to things I do not understand, and I'm not always good at it. In the case of the forums, I was generalizing though, and perhaps being a bit too idealistic. I do that a lot. Microanalyze and idealize.
I found a new subject to microanalyze. Well, kind of. Last week we had a newcomer to our anger management group. It didn't take long for me to pick up that there was something seriously unstable about him. He wasn't threatening. He was friendly, but overly friendly. So because I'm not a psychologist, I was overly scrutinizing his behavior. He sat right next to the door as if poised for quick escape. There was something very static about him. The best description I can come up with to describe what it felt like to be in the same room with him was like static electricity. Pretty benign, but staticky nonetheless.
Picketypicketypicketypicketypicketypicketypick.
Last night he sat in the same place, right next to the door and poised for escape.
My seat has consistently been in the opposite corner of the room diagonal to the door. Probably not the best place to be in an anger management group. There are people in there who say things like "I wanted to punch that guy in the throat" or "I'm not going back to jail over that" or "My employer doesn't feel safe having me around" or "My wife of 27 years left me". . . .things of that nature. You never know who's packing heat. So yesterday in group I found myself replaying in my mind that thing they taught us in grade school to protect our heads and vital organs in case of a tornado. It is of some solace that those who made it there are there because they want to be there and aren't in prison.
Incidentally, my one and only rant during group was during my first session, when I said I only like sick people. Genuinely sick people. I said I couldn't stand the gluttonous, loud, obnoxious, rude people at ihop on Saturday and Sunday mornings and my opinion hasn't changed about that. Ihop even adds pancake batter to their eggs. Disgusting. I don't even like eggs. The place just reminds me of Sodom and Gomorrah. The world reminds me of Sodom and Gomorrah. I'm only using that as a metaphorical example.
Anyway, this guy just burst into tears last night during group. I felt so bad for him. I wanted to get up and put my hand on his shoulder or something, but then realized that some people don't like being touched. He cried for a long time and just silently and got up and left after a while.
It wasn't until later that I realized that I could have just asked him if he wouldn't have minded if I sat in the empty seat next to him, and maybe I could have told him that he did a good job just showing up. I hope he shows up next week, and I'll tell him then.
Other than that, group was just ok. No earth-shattering revelations. One thing I liked was that our group therapist asked us what we planned to do this week to work toward solving anger issues. I said I would work toward strengthening boundaries. I guess if that applies toward fear and hurt then it qualifies. She validated that decision anyway.