I found permanent recovery at the age of 22, so it can be done. Like you I had to learn that the family are the last people to come around. A couple of mine never did.
In my step four, which I got into around the four week mark, I discovered I had done an awful lot to make them like this. I really put my family through the wringer. They were constantly worried and even though I was on a good path to sobriety, they didn't know this. Their experience was that I would eventually fail and they would be picking up the pieces.
I think all loving families probably feel like this, and they do what they do out of love firstly, and perhaps ignorance.
I took my father along to a couple of AA meetings to show him what I was doing. That seemed to help quite a bit.