Thanks for the welcomes, replies and links! I will check those out for sure.
As far as a plan for recovery, I have been in counselling for well over a year now, completely faking it. I know that sounds awful, but as far as they are concerned I have a lot of time in.
My bf and I have broken up, and while I know this will help me with recovery I am terrified it is going to make me relapse as well because I am completely broken hearted no matter how toxic the relationship. I was going to try to go to AA last week, never made it though but at least wanting to go was a step I had never made even in my mind. So this is something I would like to do.
I have basically no friends as I have alienated them and turned them against me with my drinking, but I do have a few supportive family members. Any others are users and drinkers themselves.
I'm hoping to find some support here by reading what others have gone through and how they cope and at least getting some of how I feel out.
I find out Monday if I have lost my job or not.
I wish I could be honest with my counsellors, but I can't for certain reasons. I guess my best bet would be a sponsor from AA/attending meetings?
And congrats on your sobriety too, and I do smoke myself too but can't think of giving that up right now.
Hope this post wasn't too long!
Also is the chat here very active? Would love to find people to chat to online, but also can't get it to work for me either.