The last dream I had about XABF was a nightmare - that he was stumbling to bed drunk and yelling about something I had done. I woke up in a sweat and in tears and realized I was in my own safe, calm apartment.
Your dreams will shift as time goes on.
I echo what was said above. I think we DO have people to reach out to, it's just that we've fixated on reaching out the the wrong one for so long we can't see it. Remember - part of the reason we so desperately wanted out is because they CANNOT live up to reasonable expectations in a reciprocal partnership. Because we know this, wanting it from them is just our sickness talking.
I caught my first fish on a flyrod early this year and after I had gone NC with the ex. All I wanted to do was call the X and tell him - he was my epic fishing buddy after all...
Then it occurred to me, my dad who was lying in a hospital bed dying of brain cancer at the time would love to hear my story. He fished off and on, and had wanted to take it up again so he could fish with me, but we just never did. DUH. The man took up watching soccer just so he could talk to me about the games. Why the hell would I want to run and tell someone who actually turned something I loved into something I dreaded (because alcohol goes so well with fishing)?! When the whole time I already had someone I could relate to with deep appreciation of something that made me so happy....and made him so happy to hear about.
I always argued XABF - what if I cut my finger off cooking? We live in the country and on any given day you couldn't drive me to the hospital! Well - we did have neighbors, and I am actually close to 2 of them, and they could drive me to the hospital - let alone I can always call 911.
What I'm saying is WE set up a situation in our heads where we feel SO reliant on someone else. It's a lie. It's our addictive voice talking. You are much more self sufficient than you think - and I'm guessing you have some really great people around you as well. We just have to shift our focus to US.