S,
We all get what you are going through. By watching the people we love slowly kill themselves, it nearly kills us in the process. No one says that we have to stop loving our spouses, they are just saying that we need to love ourselves first. They say on sr, just like on an airplane we need to put our oxygen masks on first then we can help the people around us. Are you doing that?
By you, taking care of you , it is not a selfish act. It is normal and healthy act. Us codies have always put our addicts in front of our well being, that is what is abnormal.
Over time, our addicts continually need our help and we are the care takers, we help. Then it becomes an "unhealthy" help. That is why you are reaching out for help.
Your husband is an adult and is choosing to drink. It is not against the law to drink. But it is our choice in life to enable our addicts, and "contribute" to their addiction.
I read here on the a forum " it was the best thing my wife ever did by kicking me to the curb". This man found sobriety because of the wife walking away. Now I was not so lucky with my axh, as my divorce wasn't his rock bottom. But I no longer choose to partake in his life.
His addiction destroyed my 34 year relationship with him, and my family, I was not going to let it destroy me also. No one said I had to stop loving him, I figured out that I don't have to live with someone who was choosing to kill himself on a daily basis.
Keep reading and posting my friend, you are doing great.