Enabling vs detachment when not severing ties
This is a bit like another thread, but a bit unlike it, so I thought I'd go ahead and post.
I'm finding myself very unsure in the "healthy" way to deal with my brother. He came over to my house this weekend (and I've MISSED him) and I found myself questioning almost every interaction.
This is the thing - for now, I'm trying to accept that he'll only recover when or if he is ready. I'm doing my best not to do anything enabling while also not trying to control him... that's where things get pretty murky. I'm not interested in severing contact - addicted or not, he's my big brother and I love him. I think hurting him would add to his list of excuses to use anyway.
But, since he's in pretty heavy active addiction, it's unreasonable to expect him to be acting in a non-addicted fashion. But by accepting addictive behavior, I feel like I'm sort of "condoning" or enabling. Is that clear as mud? haha
Here's a specific example - we talked about him coming over around 7 p.m. It ended up being almost 1 a.m. when he arrived. He wouldn't have been bright eyed and bushy tailed at 1 a.m. without meth. So, I felt like I should say "leave and come back when you're not high." But, the truth is, "when he's not high" probably doesn't exist. So, I invited him on in and enjoyed our first conversation in months... but I couldn't escape feeling like a party to his tweaking.
Does that make any sense? Am I just way overthinking this?
I am proud of myself for not giving him any money or anything in quite some time - in fact, I think he's realized I won't. He's even quit asking.