Hello Dawn, I've been diagnosed as borderline and I'd bet everything I have that my mother is too. I feel the same way-I love her, but sometimes I don't like her. Same with my dad. It's very distressing. With your mother being physically ill as well, that makes it more difficult for everyone. I'm physically chronically ill too. And though borderlines do complain even when there's nothing to complain about-when you feel like crap every day, it's really difficult not to complain and because of the fact that I've complained too much my whole life-now when I have something to complain about, people have stopped listening. And I don't blame them. With your mother, I would say if she says something really nasty-call her on it, but gently. Keep the statement positive. For me at least, I don't mind so much if people call me on something that I know deep down is true, as long as it's said in a way that isn't an outright attack-and there's the rub-the walking on eggshells bit-just about anything you say to a borderline may be taken as an attack. So you could try and speak to her gently and tell her that you love her very much and realize that she is dealing with a lot, but you find it difficult to see her when she is acting this way. Or you could just try and consider that she is mentally and physically ill and aged and just tell her you love her and let it go. Being aged and sick and confined is enough to put anybody in a really bad mood, for a borderline, who has poor emotional control-it would be worse. But that's still no excuse for not trying on their part. So anyway, I just wanted to add my 2 cents. I wish you the best in this very difficult time.
Sincerely Cate.