sponsor is treating me different
I had about 4 1/2 months sober. That's the longest I have ever made it. And then I relapsed. I drank for about a week and a half, maybe 2 weeks, every night. Then I finally started to feel bad about wasting so much money, always being late to work, flaking on plans I made with a friend ect. So I called my sponsor and told her what I had been doing and how bad I felt about flaking on my friend. And that I have been trying to get to a meeting to get my white chip but I haven't made it back yet.
She told me to not drink that night and get to a meeting the next morning to get my chip. I did and have been calling her every day since then. But I feel like she is treating me differently now. Like really keeping her distance from me. Im worried that things wont be the same between me and my sponsor this time around. I know I have to prove to her that I am going to work my program harder this time and that I really want to stay sober. But I just worry that she is not going to want to be friends anymore. I know she will still sponsor me but I don't know if she is going to invite me to go out to dinner with her friends anymore. Or when she is going to the movies with a group of her sober friends, maybe she will not invite me anymore. Like she wont want to let me into her personal circle or socialize with me. She will just keep it strictly sponsor/sponsee relationship.
It makes me sad because she was a really good sponsor for me and also a good friend. And I messed up the trust and probably made her feel like she wasted her time and energy trying to help me.