Now that I have started I don't want to write anything because I don't want to think about this.
So for now I mostly just want to ask:
How can you tell
- if someone is an alcoholic and
- how do you help them if they are?
Background:
My husband is always extra kind and loving when drunk but he is also more clumsy. He spills breaks things like glasses and plates and burns food because he falls asleep with the oven on.
Admittedly, I break and burn things regularly too, eventhough I've never been drunk because I don't like alcohol. It just has no appeal to me and makes me feel instantly unwell so I avoid it.
But my husband is normally a very,very careful person. He also works shifts and says he uses alcohol to help regulate his sleep. He drinks a bottle of wine a few nights a week- sometimes he'll open a second one and drink maybe half of it. I don't know the exact amount because he mostly drinks when I'm asleep or at work.
However on holidays, I worked it out that he drank 72 Irish units of Alcohol in one week. (The recommendation is to have less than 21 units per week). Admittedly this was unusually high. He would not be able to drink this much normally, because sometimes he goes straight to sleep without drinking when he comes home from work. But I suspect that any night he is awake he drinks..
I'm pregnant with our first child and worried. My husband says he won't be drinking like this when the baby comes along... but then how will he regulate his sleep? I have suggested taking magnesium or hot cocoa to help him sleep and maca to stay awake. he doen't drink tea or coffee so caffeine is not an option either.
besides I think he started drinking when he moved away from friends and family to live with me. He has not been able to make any friends since he moved 7 years ago and I think he just gets bored and lonely sitting around the house by himself.
Since I don't drink I am not sure if a bottle of wine a few nights a week is all that excessive?
Part of his clumsiness and burning things etc is related to the fact that he has to force himself to stay awake when he is exhausted, in order to get into day shift mode.
( He works two 12 hour day shifts followed immediately by two 12 hour night shifts.
In other words if he works during the day Monday and Tuesday (8 am to 8 pm) he will work during the night Wednesday and Thursday ( 8pm to 8am).
So he is often awake for 24 hours. I worry about the impact on his driving.
Despite his excuse about the sleep regulation I seem to recall that I thought he drank a lot before he started the shift work anyway.
Still, as someone who doesn't really drink alcohol* I have no idea what is normal and apart from the clumsiness and two wretching episodes after drinking this year, I can't complain too much about the impact of the alcohol consumption on me. If anything my husband is kinder, more loving and affectionate when drunk.
Indeed when I spoke to him on the phone at work today I wondered if he had been drinking just because he was so sweet on the phone. It's hard to tell over the phone, but I can usually tell straight away now when I see him if he has been drinking.
Also I could be paranoid because his mother is a recovering alchoholic...
WOW I actually got it all out. Sorry my style is so rambling!
* ( I sometimes sip a mouthful of wine when not pregnant to be polite but I'd never drink a whole glass)