Yankeegirl11

Last night I agreed to help my XABF move his motorcycle to his new place. We stopped to get something to eat, & we talked. He says he has cut way back on his drinking, he was so nice, & he seems to be very motivated to get his new business up & running. I hope for his sake that is the case, but I have no idea if it will be, & it is very easy to put a show on for someone when you only see them once a week. I started questioning myself about his past behaviors, & if I have been overreacting, but I do have a list of why we are breaking up that I make myself keep reading. His new apartment is nowhere near as nice as what he is used to living in, & he says he does miss my house, but nothing about missing me. I told him I did miss a few things about living with him, but there were more things I didn’t miss. He would like to continue to see me on a casual basis, but I do not want that with someone I have been with for 4 years. He brought me home, & I had tears in my eyes the entire time. When I got home, I told him I cannot keep going through this every time I see him, & I broke down crying in front of him. He said he loved me, but had no compassion, & he drove away. I just cried myself to sleep, & then this morning saw that his golf clubs are still at my house. I thought I could continue to see him as friends, but I can’t keep going through this heartache every time. I know I need to go no contact, but my heart & mind are in a tug-of-war.