Thanks for the responses everyone, it makes me feel a lot better about deciding to go NC. My sobriety is my main focus now and I have to keep it that way.
I am not in a program currently, but looking for a counselor who specializes in addiction. I haven't started going to AA though I know I should. I just have social anxiety so it's hard (I've been in the past). But I will suck it up, as long as it helps my sobriety.
I never thought about going to Al Anon, since I'm usually on the other side lol. It might be helpful. I don't know though. I feel like I pretty much understand the mind of an addict, being one myself, and we are no longer together so it doesn't affect my life on a daily basis, just when he wants to interrupt my serenity.
I definitely have not allowed myself to process how it's really affected me, just another thing to numb with drinking. And I think by doing that it has hindered me from fully moving on and healing...and then I end up with more emails and posting on here lol. It could be codependency, I have not really looked into that behavior.
I'm definitely not going to respond, and just work on me.