Not sure what to do
Hello everyone, this is my first time posting on this side of the forum. I'm usually in the Newcomers section. I am in the early stages of recovering from alcohol. I'll have 3 weeks on Sunday. But, I have also been in a relationship with an alcoholic.
My most recent ex BF is an alcoholic. I'll try to make a long story as short as possible. We met at the end of 2013. Soon into the relationship he started lashing out at me over things--certain male friends I have, movies and TV shows I like etc. He would get drunk often and go on tirades at me over the littlest things. Of course when he wasn't drunk, he would be amazing. It was really damaging to my mental and emotional stability for someone to profess their undying love one minute, then call me every awful thing the next. He would never help himself, even knowing his addiction was hurting me so much.
After a year of this, I finally got the nerve to say enough was enough, so I broke up with him in December 2014. From then til May 2015, he was emailing, texting, calling. Getting drunk and threatening suicide, threatening me, contacting my friends to tell them how awful I was, then trying to start fights with them. It was a mess. I went complete no contact in April 2015.
Fast forward to March 2016 and I had a weak moment and emailed him. I knew it was a bad idea a couple days later when he was professing his love still, but I hoped maybe we both changed some. Things were good for a while, then in June he got drunk and went off on me again. I realized then he had not and did not want to change. I told him we shouldn't talk anymore. That's when he went the route of guilting, shaming and blaming me again. I responded, like an idiot, and let out all the frustration I had pent up over the last year. After that conversation was done I went NC again.
I got an email last week, then today. He begged me to tell him I was ok with a paragraph letter. I said I'm fine. He said I'm discarding him again bc I get a thrill out of it, and not to reply bc he isnt chasing me anymore. He said one day I'll realize that no one will love me like that and I'll be hurting for the rest of my life. Dramatic of course.
I guess what I want to know is, is it right of me to go NC? I was the one to contact him after a year, as stupid as that was, I can't change it. But I feel like I gave him my reasoning already. I don't know, I'm afraid it is going to somehow jeopardize my sobriety to reply or stay in any kind of relationship with him, even as friends. Maybe I already know what I should do, I just needed to get it out.
Thanks for reading