Hi Mikah. I am new to SR and new to trying recovery for the second time. I don't know if it helps, but you're not alone. I am in a similar situation right now because of my actions last weekend. I wish I could go back in time and change a single 6 hour period and things would be so different or would they? Probably not, just delayed until the next time unless I quit drinking for good.
Hang in there. I've seen the good side years back and was sober for about 5 years and life was much better. I hope to get there soon again.