Hi cl. When I look back at my drinking days it's pretty amazing how different things were. All that's changed is no drink or drugs, and yet, so much more has changed. I started with one thing at a time and ended up smoke free and sober. Life is so much cleaner and clearer and safer too. Do it for number 1, you. Btw I admire the fact you told your friend how you feel if that's how you feel deep down.