I think that when you decide that you are really "done" drinking and that you want to lead a different kind of life, you'll be ready to commit yourself to it, and actually live (and do) the 12 steps with a sponsor you are honest with. Until then, you may need to do some "research."** The problem is, you can't live the program until you are "done" doing research. Going to "any lengths" means just that. It took me until I was 55 to get it. I cherish every day I don't drink. For alcoholics like us it's life or death. I pray that you get it sooner than later.
** "research" in AA lingo=Trying controlled drinking
