Appreciate reading the different comments here, I also struggle with many of these issues and it can be hard.
Was out of town yesterday and went to some great meetings in a large city a few hours away. I felt relaxed and at peace with the larger groups and all the different kinds of people. I was really welcomed and had a good time.
I think I need to move from my local area and that is something I am working on for the next few months. But, I want to learn the lessons that are being presented to me here, so that when I do leave I will have also accomplished what I was meant to accomplish and learn. If I can learn the lessons here now, then hopefully I won't have to keep repeating them somewhere else.