Originally Posted by Ann

YoursTruly, boundaries are about us, not them. It's about what we will or will not allow in our lives and how we will handle a situation that pushes these boundaries. They aren't rules, rules are quite different.

For example, when my addicted son lived at home here are a couple of boundaries I had...

I will not allow drugs in my home. Should I suspect that there are drugs there will be no privacy issues, it's my home and I will search them out. Should I find drugs in my home, the person bringing them there must leave immediately. Clothes and belongings will be on the front porch within an hour.

The above is about me and what I will tolerate or not, and the consequence for anyone stepping on that boundary. It was not negotiable. I told my son that should he cross this boundary I would love him just as much when he was living any place else.

Another that I had was...

I will not tolerate being spoken to in anger or disrespectfully. Should a conversation escalate and become heated and nasty, that conversation is over right then and right there. If that happens I will either ask the offending person to leave or I will remove myself from the room, the home, or wherever I am when it happens. If it's an important conversation, it may continue some other time when tempers have cooled, but I will choose the time and place.

Nobody can argue with me or debate these boundaries, they are MINE, they are about ME and what I will allow in my life.

It doesn't matter if anyone else agrees or doesn't agree, if they cannot respect my boundaries, they are not allowed in my home/space/life.

I no longer worry about changing anyone else. Nor do I worry about them intruding disrespectfully in my life. The short version is "love me or leave me". I don't do conflict, I don't raise my voice in anger, I live my life in peace and really really like it that way.

Hope this helps.

Hugs