aspen....I hope you can listen to the words of your son.....
I sincerely suggest that you go to the Adult Children of Alcoholics site and read the real life stories of those who were raised in an alcoholic home.
You still have some time to help your children...4yrs. for the oldest one....
One of the saddest things a mother (parent) can hear from her adult children is "Why did you make us stay?".....
Quite often, the adult children will express as much or more anger at the parent who didn't protect them from the effects and family dynamics of an alcoholic home...than the actual alcoholic.....
I am not trying to be insensitive to you and your challenges with this situation...but, the children need someone to speak for them.....
They stand to lose more than either you or your husband...
dandylion