Not so great. I have probably lost my career which I fought hard for. I am now " on paid leave" however as to dwtbd... I don't know why I let my beast convince me that "now your normal" . I do know at first I just recognized it then we got together and I reasoned it with it. Obviously my first mistake. Than I decided to drink.
At first I thought maybe I need a different program then I retread rational recovery with an emphasis on the drinking again section. I realized that I did not fail and it did not fail. I chose to drink. Easy. Simple.
Did ever really think I could be normal.... No. I decided to let my beast convince me I could.... So I could excuse my choice.
So I am unemployed, extremely depressed however I no longer drink now. So unless it's never not "now" then I will never drink again.
fini- I can't answer that question for you. I think it is a question that I have asked a lot over the last six months and all I can say is I REFUSED to even consider a BP since I felt like such a failure. Once I retread RR again the only answer I have Is I chose to rationalize with my beast, I chose to disregard my better judgement. I chose to drink and no matter what program I use I still have to always not drink now.
Trust me I have not been unemployed in years and last night all my beast said was "PERFECT EXCUSE.... Drink" and myself said I"I am not drinking now and it's not up for debate". My beast shut up.
Thanks for checking on me Tursiops... I appreciate it
