Thanks for the support everyone. It means a lot.
Firesprite,
You make an valid point about taking care of myself, and I always have to keep that in the forefront of my mind. I try (try) to be very aware not to micro manage my daughter, and have spent a good portion of the last year letting her make her own decisions both good and bad. As we all know this is important for her as well as me.
I've done really well! I give myself a solid B+ , but I find holding my tongue, and watching my words, exhausting.
What's doing me in is the herculean effort of rewiring my brain. I'm having some successes on how I act on the outside, but I don't seem to be having as much success with changing how I feel on the inside.
When I talk about the "chess game" that's what I mean. My XAH loved chess. I didn't. There came a point as he fell deeper into his disease when I felt like I was forced into a game of chess. Playing a game I didn't like, or understand, where I had to try to anticipate his moves, while constantly keeping a blank face.
Something's missing. Some piece of the puzzle in the recovery of both my daughter and myself. I think you're right Firesprite. I think it's somehow linked to me taking care of myself.