IvanMike

When I had about one month clean, I first met the man I asked to sponsor me and saw him speak at a meeting. He talked about how he used to feel. - Uncomfortable in his own skin, he had a thousand voices in his head that all hated him, and he couldn't look in the mirror.

I sat up straight. This was how I felt. Then this man told me that today he was comfortable with himself, he was able to tell the voices in his head to shut up, and that he could look in the mirror and tell himself that he loved himself, and the mirror agreed. - That's recovery.

Later on he told me that if I stayed clean and went on this journey through the steps and learned to apply them in my life he couldn't promise that "it would be OK. But he promised that I could get better. He didn't lie. That experience is also recovery.

I've slowly learned how to handle my feelings and the events of life. I've been able to get a better and more realistic perspective. I've built real connections with people. I've begun to give of myself without motive. All that is recovery too.

I've learned to live my life according to a set of values and principles and to not violate them even when I know it would feel in the short term. I can sleep at night and I can look in the mirror. That's recovery.

I've learned that I don't have to scratch just because it itches. That's recovery.

Drugs and alcohol weren't my problem, they were my misguided solution for the bigger problem. Sex, food, etc sort of worked, but drugs came the closest to giving me the peace and serenity that I sought, but at a terrible cost which included ultimately feeling worse. Learning a better way to achieve the peace I sought is recovery, and it takes time and effort, and a lot of help.