Think it's time to admit that I am an alcoholic
Pretty common story I imagine.
Didn't drink until I was 18 at all and then I got a job which involved a lot of travelling and people I weren't used to.
These were really easy to get along with people and they drank and smoked weed, so to fit it I decided to drink with them.
Weed was never my thing and I've never touched any other drugs, just alcohol.
Started off just having two pints before a nightshift to help us to get some sleep beforehand and rapidly escalated into half a small bottle (330ml) of vodka a day.
Once again, just to fit in.
As I got more confident in myself, over time I found I didn't drink to fit in, I drank because I enjoyed it.
Those people eventually left the company and I became friends with some new people who enjoyed a pub lunch every day.
No big deal right? A meal and a pint during lunch?
Except I would usually have two or three pints plus some shots.
I was having fun and it made the day faster.
Eventually these people also left and my next group of friends introduced me to buying Super skol and K cider from the off-licences at lunchtime.
It was cheaper and the buzz was the same.
Soon it wasn't enough and I was going to the offie during every break for super strength.
Sure enough these people also left the company eventually but the habits continued.
With nobody to drink with, I'd go drink on my own but now I was adding in drinking after work too.
I also started drinking heavily at the weekend.
The weekends would start with 10 units before lunchtime and later on I'd go get more and more.
But, I didn't see it as a problem. Everyone I worked with were drinking every day so big deal right?
This morning I have realised I have a problem.
Simple enough, someone said something that upset me yesterday (It was non alcohol related) and I drank myself into a stupor.
Waking up I feel fine. No hangover.
But I realised how stupid that was. It cost me around fourty pound yesterday. Money I don't really have all because of a minor thing.
Alcohol has become my crutch (and if I am honest, my life) and I need to stop it.