I totally understand how you feel. It is exhausting dealing with an alcoholic/addict - of course you want to help when he is moving in the right direction, but there are so many challenges. The stakes are so high - which is stressful for parents who are aging and would like a break from drama and chaos.
Everyone has such sympathy and understanding for the alcoholic/addict, but the parents are often pathologized and thought of as "sick" if they try to prevent their kid from decisions that will render them homeless. I can't think of anything more frightening for a parent.
Good that you are getting support.
I am not personally a fan of Alanon, but many have found it helpful and I hope it is so for you and your family.
A therapist would also be good for you.
The sad part is that parents are dependent upon their alcoholic/addict children to act sane - and if they have personality disorders or mental illnesses, that really can't be expected. The burden falls on the parents . . .
I have been trying to escape this nightmare for years. I feel like a "victim" because it kills me to think of my alcoholic/addict relative suffering in any way. I don't know how parents/grandparents detach . . . it's very difficult and it depends on the "kid." After awhile, you just can't do it anymore. It sucks the joy right out of life.
I hope your story has a happy ending
