Update
It is still a struggle living with him. We do have a right to some say in his financial matters if he is living with us! He supposedly has been told he has a job at Macy's pending a successful background check. But, it's taking a long time for them to contact him and when he calls them, he gets a voice mail that is full. Meanwhile he has gotten a car, much thanks to my shopping skills. He seemed to want my help with that part of his life, not like other things where he wants to be left alone. To make matters worse, he decided to quit smoking. He came to us with a "deal." He needed money for gas and a "date" with someone he met online. He said if we'd loan him some money, added to his car loan, he would quit smoking and the consequence of smoking again would be to move out to the Salvation Army. The way I feel today is I wish I'd taken him up on that offer, because he is moody and sullen (stopping smoking will do that to you). I just go through these cycles where I get weary of his demeanor and attitude. I know I'm supposed to love him unconditionally and let him live with the consequences of his behavior, but I don't find him very loveable. And yes, his mother and I have started attending Alanon meetings. It just gets tiresome and it helps to write about it.