Hey everyone! Congrats winslow and midwest!!!
I happy to report that i'm feeling A LOT better. Omg the last two weeks were UNREAL. I was a MESS emotionally to put it mildly. I really can't put it into words what I was experiencing. I was
CONSUMED with thoughts of death and worst case scenarios. I was afraid to turn off the lights in my room at night. I was staying up for days on end. I was panic stricken walking around my apartment because we found one water bug in the kitchen WEEKS ago. The exterminator came, and we sprayed bug spray at all the entry points, so there was no REAL reason for me to paranoid. Anyway I got my xanax refilled (I know, I know) AND aunt flo came for her monthly visit two days. HOLY. ****. It was like the stress just floated down my entire body and exited out of my feet. For the first time in WEEKS I wasn't scared to go to sleep or walk around my apartment. I wasn't dwelling on death. The tension in my shoulders just vanished. It was SOOOO nice. I gave my mom my bottle of xanax. I told her to hide it for me, and give me ONLY what I was prescribed. Because I'm not going through this **** again. I know benzos are controversial and addictive, but at this moment in time I need them. When I get on a good med regimen I will taper off them. I've done it before. The pms on top of the withdrawals is what messed me up to. I have really HORRIBLE PMS. I think myPMS was affecting me more then not taking xanax tbh. I hate that I have to go through this **** every month just so I can give birth to a snot nose brat (thats mean I know. I have nothing against kids lol. I just hate my uterus). I would get a hysterectomy tomorrow if I could. Not everyone wants to have kids. I have VERY valid reasons for not wanting kids. I wish dr's would let woman make their own choices.
I'm a loner to. I need to stop isolating though. I had a therapist call me snob once lmao. This was when I was like 21 to. I've always been like this looool. I told him I am NOT a snob. I just don't have any patience, and most people are REALLY annoying AND mean. So because i'm picky about the company I choose to hang around with that makes me a snob? People are EXHAUSTING. Socializing is not fun to me, because people are mostly fake anyway. I'm a true introvert what can I say. I'm not rude though. If someone strikes up a conversation with me I'll talk. I'm not a uppity or mean person. I'm just......I don't know. It's just hard for me to connect with people I guess. All my friendships and relationships have always been one sided. So I'm kind of cynical in that regard. I'd love to have a group of close knit friends though, and a boyfriend who legitimately cares about me. I doubt it'll happen though. Such is life.
I baked low carb almond, cinnamon cookies tonight midwest
I messed up the first batch by adding too much butter, and baking SODA instead of baking POWDER. There IS a difference
. Anyway I remade them with less butter and baking powder and the came out perfect. I hate wasting food though. Almond powder is NOT cheap.
Thanks midwest!!