Hello, my husband is an alcoholic and it seems when he drinks (he is a binge alcoholic I think is the term), he really starts in on things from his childhood as well. He has had quite a bit of loss and it always tends to come up in the conversation. I hate it for him..but I wanna shake him and tell him that we are in the now and the past should stay where it belongs.
Of course, if I were to say that it would only initiate an argument and he would sit on the pity pot the rest of the evening. I do not think it is unfair for you or me or anyone to want our alcoholic loved ones to let go of the past. I do believe that is part of the disease though. It seems to really give them and "excuse" to continue abusing the alcohol or whatever substance they abuse.
Sorry for you and your wife as well. Take care.