I don't think you're being too harsh. We all have our issues - some have had worse childhoods than others, or harder lives in other respects, but A's are very good at and very satisfied to step into the "victim" role. My AH didn't have a great childhood, but he was given every chance in the world to have a good life when we got together. I supported him, emotionally and financially, tried to steer him in healthy directions, gave him a nice home, and everything - every thing - he threw out in the trash. I took him back several times after his relapses (not this time). He has been in a perpetual state of "woe is me" and it is very tempting to want to caretake. Well, I have a 7 y/o boy who really needs a caretaker, and I also have to take care of myself. I think we have gotten the short end of the stick.
Honestly, looking back all that I have done for him has probably just enabled him even more. It certainly didn't get him to stop drinking. I think it is much easier for them to paint themselves as victims so that they will get a pass for their drinking and the destruction it causes. They somehow think they don't need to held accountable the way the rest of us do. It is always someone else's fault, someone else doing them wrong, blah blah. So what's the way to deal with it? Drink. Personally, I have had it with this approach. It sounds to me like your AW is doing some of this. It is part and parcel of the sickness. I hope you are not being hard on yourself, you've done nothing wrong.