CentralOhioDad

So, the other night, after killing off 3/4 bottle of wine, the AW starts another "I am miserable in the marriage and it's all your fault" rant. Yes, I stayed too long and endured too much, again, but that's a different post.

One common theme that recurs is that she keeps on bringing up her childhood and how she was quiet, nerdy and overweight, and she is still scarred by that and is the root of her lack of self-esteem, yearning for love/acceptance theme throughout her adult life. Nevermind the fact her mother was a frequent binge alcoholic and her dad was an enabler, and made no effort to shield his daughter, my AW, from the toxicity of the situation. But she is in deep denial that this situation at home could have had any negative effect. She keeps on saying over and over, "I'm just a little girl". She's a grown woman who can make choices and free herself from the past that she says is chaining her down.

When I was growing up and my father didn't like females except for cooking, cleaning, and sex - it was because of his childhood and that his mother hated him and loved his brother, etc. Understandably, that would be a hard thing to take, I get that. But at the same time, it's 40 years since the woman passed away.

My wife is no longer overweight, she's not shy, and she's very smart. There are tons of resources available to help her get passed this - I feel it's another excuse and rationalization to drink. I have things from my childhood that were not good on my psyche either, but I don't dwell on them. I have decided that this is/was part of who I am, but it doesn't define me today.

Am I being too harsh regarding this? She has always held onto, and pretty much embraced drama ever since I've known her. I just think she wants to perpetuate the 'victim' stance - this then validates her drinking and escapism.

Thanks for reading.

COD