I am in the same boat except my AH is not drinking, but also not in "real" recovery either. After he served his mandated intoxilock and outpatient treatment for his OWI he's back to smoking weed and not attending meetings.
It's just a drink away for him and we've been married 22 years...I'm tired of walking on eggshells all the time. I will have an empty nest in a few months and am planning to move out. I feel peaceful just thinking of being alone and happy.