Of course you want balance. We all aspire to that. And none of us found it on day 2. I also wanted to be one of those inspiring people that got their **** together and moved mountains with their strength and determination. In the end I realised that if I wanted what they'd got, I needed to do what they did. So I asked one of those people to be my sponsor, stopped just 'going to meetings' and committed to my program of recovery. I needed to find the willingness to do things that had, up til that time seemed unacceptable to me. Not because I believed it'd work for me necessarily all the time . Sometimes it was just to get my sponsor off my back, and to prove to her that this thing or that thing wouldn't work - but generally I found that it DID work, as long as I kept doing it. And slowly I developed confidence and faith in my program, and started wanting to do that stuff every day, because I understood the power of it to heal me.
You can do this. With Acceptance and Willingness, and staying sober one day at a time.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB