Well first, good job on getting to day #2! I'm there as well and a lot of what you described reminded me of myself. The not wanting to talk with others regarding my alcoholism but still willing to work on recovery.
But, with that thinking I've come to believe there is a small piece of me who is in denial that I am an alcoholic. That's why I won't speak about it publicly, cause than people would know and I would be held accountable for my drinking. Same reason I wouldn't take my anti-depressant medication. Pssh, I don't need that stuff! I'm not depressed! I'm normal enough to push through this by myself.. Why should I reach out for help as I should be stronger than this, this mental disease. Would I have felt that way if I had cancer? Probably not.
So, this is just my thinking, but I wonder if you can relate to it at all. I'm seeing my therapist in an hour and I'm taking my meds. I've relinquished all control to my dr and therapist. It was hard to do but it's starting to work now.
I hope you can continue to get all the help you can for yourself as this disease sucks and it's hard to beat alone.
Take care and congratulations on day 2, I'm right there with you bud.
