Chickenlady06

Okay, let me end day 24 on a positive note. Hubs and I fought this evening, and I am just vibrating with anger and anxiety. It's always fights over nothing, he's right, I'm wrong, blah blah blah. Not worth all the feelings I'm having right now and I'm forcing myself to feel all of them. I also forgot how raged I get when I have to deal with real emotions, I'm going to have to learn some breathing techniques. I was crying in the shower and I got a flare of rage and punched the wall! 😕 I had forgotten about that side of myself, I usually sedate my rage with alcohol. I remember as a kid, I would punch the crap out of my older brother and I threw stuff, but I just thought I was a crappy kid. Anyways, with that in mind, I found a relaxation app by a guy Sunflowerlife had suggested and I am about to try that. But exploring my feelings here is helping me to lift the rage fog and think more clearly.
I do remember my mom dealing with rage a lot when I was a kid, I was often on the other end of it, being the youngest and the most trouble. I've never raged against my kids like my mom did, but when my boy was younger, if I started to feel that way, I'd send him to bed and down a bottle of wine. Sounds like I'm pretty unstable writing it out like that. I can do this, I can find ways to deal with my emotions without being drunk or a total basket case. I can do this.
Let's see something positive, well tomorrow we will be on the road to the beach condo and I will have plenty of family members as buffers and won't have to hang out with my drunk husband all week. His step mom doesn't drink, and she's my favorite, so I'm sticking by her side and my friend that knows I'm sober, and I'm going to have a great week!