KAD

An added note here...this is exactly where I was, whether I was drinking or sober. But if I wasn't drinking already, there was little to prevent me from doing it again. I'd forget about whatever reason(s) I had to stop. For years I thought all I wanted was to be left alone, to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, watch what I wanted to see on TV, drink the way I wanted if/when I wanted (which was usually all day everyday), etc.

Years later I found myself with a failed marriage, a failed relationship after the marriage, fired from my job, no contact with my kids, car totaled, DWI, suspended license, etc. I got exactly what I always said I wanted. Alone at long last. At that point, however, I was desperate to get the hell away from myself. Often, meetings were the only thing that made me still feel connected to life, and the only thing that gave me hope and kept me sane. I know you'd be tempted to think nothing like that would ever happen to you because you wouldn't let it. You'd stop it before it got that far. That's what I thought, too.

I urge you to make the effort to reach out to people. Coming here can be quite helpful, but given your tendency to isolate, I think you'll find - as I did - that face to face relationships will be much more effective.