Originally Posted by
GetMeOut 
Speaking from my own experience, given that my default has always been to isolate and avoid people, I've had to force myself out of that behavioral pattern because it always brought me full-circle to the bottle again. If you are open to AA, sometimes just taking that leap of faith and going to a meeting and listening with an open mind can have a profound impact. I was very resistant to it when I first started going. I also suffer from social anxiety and didn't speak up for quite a long time. That's OK. It pays to just listen in early sobriety. If you stick with it and get a sponsor, it can work. I have 15 months of sobriety now and I directly attribute that to having a good sponsor and working the steps. There are other alternatives if you decide that isn't the way for you, but I urge you to do something. Isolating means only listening to yourself. You can't think your way out of this, and our best thinking rarely does us any good.
I've been on Antabuse a couple of times. It is a good deterrent, but you well know it doesn't touch cravings and, unless someone else is making sure you take it, you have to rely on yourself to maintain it. Nevertheless, I do know some who have managed that on their own. You sound like you are unsettled and struggling with this, though, and white-knuckling your way along somewhat. Antabuse can't provide the emotional/spiritual support needed to improve your life overall.
The bolded sounds exactly like me.
And I
am spending the majority of my day alone, with my own thoughts about everything. Sometimes it's really suits me best - I feel I know 'me' best, and so I have the best advise for myself. My treatment person at the center is nice and all - it is even very good to talk to her sometimes, but I fail to see how she offers me something truly valuable and I dare not say it to her directly (I'm generally a very polite guy).
I have actually skipped antabuse this week but will take a pill on Monday again (only because I live with my parents and have to, I tell myself). In other words, my psychological dependence is still very much a danger and I want to try and drink even though I know it's probably a very bad idea. So you're right of course, I have to do something, the thing is I know this but I'm afraid in some ways I still find myself knee deep in an addictive pattern of thought/emotion, even when I haven't touched a drink as I said, for 6 months.