I can relate to you as I've been drinking on and off all through my children's life. I am 40 and they are now 13 and 11. I had 3 people I would turn in to when drunk, fun mum who would dance around be silly, let them get away with stuff like staying up late or eating junk. Then there was screaming and argue with daddy mum and finally past out or non functioning mum. Non of these I am proud of. My kids have turned out well so far but I'm sure at some point my drinking is going to come back and bite me in the arse with however it has messed them up. We are finally waking up to the fact that it's not just effecting us and our health but also our families and friends. We can beat this