I relate so much to your post. I am also a mother of two and I also stopped breastfeeding my youngest son after only four months so that I could get back to drinking heavily.
I understand you. I can tell you that sober life is so much better. In just a few short months I have noticed an incredible improvement in my relationship with my sons. We are all happier, healthier and more loving. Being a mother is much easier sober, I promise you.