Awww, I want to give you a hug! I am also an older mom. I had my last child at 42 and he is 10 now. I also have 19 yr old triplets who are about to leave for college. Last October I went to rehab and I've been sober since then. If I can do, so can you! It's not as hard or as scary as I thought it would be. I miss wine sometimes but I don't miss what it does to me. Do you have a plan of any sort? Stay on here, the boards are very helpful.