Originally Posted by
ScottFromWI 
I think the moral of the story is that different things work for different people. I personally responded well to "tough love". Others don't.
Let's remember we're here to share what works - not tear each other down.
I agree. I think there are two areas in this discussion.
The first is the still drinking alcoholic. Tough love might well be the idea of letting the alcoholic suffer the consequences of their own actions. That was the kind of tough love, probably tougher for the lover than the lovee. When I was fired, when friends banned me, when police prosecuted, these consequences were ultimately effective in openeing my eyes to the reality of my situation.
The sympathisers, the cover-upperers, the excuse makers/accepters the tolerant, were really just enablers. They helped me get worse.
Almost the opposite was the case in recovery. I needed love, understanding, empathy, support, encouragement, but I also needed to know the truth. Enablers are sometimes disguised as understanding and loving, but won't tell the truth.
The other approach, confrontational, dictatorial, "tough love" to me seems a brutal approach to a shattered and fearful human being. You can't scare someone sober, but you could scare someone back to the bottle.