Welcome back! I'm recently back too (3 days now), after 8 months away. I thought I could moderate too. I could--until I couldn't. Frightening how fast that happened.
I am reminded of something I read early in my recovery (maybe in Drunking: a Love Story)? While you can turn a cucumber into a pickle, you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber. For better or worse, when it comes to alcohol, I am now a pickle. The sooner I truly embrace that fact, the sooner I'll be on the road to recovery.
Apologies for typos; typing on a phone isn't my forte.