[QUOTE= I'm disappointed in myself but I feel a sense of freedom at the same time. [/QUOTE]
I get it. Been there and done that. Sober for a while and then the exquisite sense of freedom that instantly follows the relapse. How fantastic it is to not have to deal with the burden of not having a drink
Unfortunately that sense of freedom never lasted long for me. Very quickly the burden of knowing that alcohol was utterly wrecking my life would take over.
Getting sober will free you. Free from the fear of getting caught. Free from all the other bad stuff that will inevitably follow.
And you are DEFINITELY not a failure! You've already managed 5 months which is a huge achievement
You really can do this