Messed up: I made it 5 months but...
It's been a while since I messed up, but I just though I should log in and let everyone know that I'm a failure. First drink was on my 5 month sober date, June 11 2016. Thought I could handle it "socially"? NOPE. It didn't start out bad... a couple beers on the weekend.. but now I'm hiding liquor again... only drink at night.. but its been almost every day this week. I'm disappointed in myself but I feel a sense of freedom at the same time. I was so stressed about not drinking and once I did I knew I had that option again and it was weight off my shoulders. A lot of crap has happened and now I am $10,000 more in debt than I was, so that's probably what set me off. I cant keep doing this though. Boyfriend has caught on a tiny bit about the problem coming back, he knows I've had the beers every now and then, but again... I'm hiding liquor. The anger is back. I have a high stress job that is completely underpaid for what I deal with.. and I deal with people verbally harassing me (call center) so I can't just go off at any second on a random person. My boyfriend has an engagement ring for me in his dresser. It's gorgeous. And now I'm not worthy of it. I suck. He's gonna be home any minute and smell this watermelon schnapps on my breath. I deserve what's coming to me. He'll probably pawn the ring and leave. At least he hasn't asked my dad yet......
So there's the story of how I messed up. The end.