I am fairly new here and so I understand what you are saying about harsh responses. As I recover and work on myself, truly admitting and feeling that I am powerless over his drinking, the responses no longer feel harsh. I have even gone back and reread responses to see if my perspective on them had changed and every time so far, they had. It was that I was hearing a lesson I wasn't ready to learn. Once I learned the lesson, my perspective changed.
You are receiving advice from people who have "been there done that" and are trying to answer a question that you asked honestly. It is not what you wanted to hear but I don't see anyone here trying to shame you! Everyone here just wants the best for you.