Wow, JG...it sounds like you're finding so much clarity in sobriety, which is amazing. I didn't realize you had been sober for FOUR years (!) previously, that is something to build on for sure!
Day 50. 50! That seems like a lot, for some reason. I'm definitely starting to feel more "normal" as time passes, which is a big deal because alcoholic drinking had definitely become my twisted "normal," which made sobriety seem unnatural and wrong for a long time. I definitely still have moments when I feel completely off, restless and at loose ends, but I also see glimmers of hope.
Yesterday was a busy day, but in a good way. I'm constantly reflecting on my kids, and how a sober mom has the potential to change their childhood for the better. I'm realizing that since my own parents drank throughout my entire life, they (especially my mom) were somewhat emotionally unavailable even though we had all the physical elements of a great life, if that makes any sense. My mom did a LOT for us, she cooked amazing meals, was always the room parent and volunteered at school, bought us nice clothes, etc., but after a certain point in the evening, she was...gone. The wine just took over. It still does.
It's a beautiful morning here, and I have a lot to do, but I need to keep reminding myself to BE, and enjoy moments as they come. I hope everyone has a great, sober day today.
