In my last few months of drinking my daily routine was to wake up, go downstairs and throw up in the kitchen sink (I learned to do this quietly, my how we become experts at everything). I most mornings was still drunk from drinking till I went to sleep around 1:00am, which nightly would involve chugging red wine from a bottle (on top of the afternoon's and evenings drinking) so as to guarantee I go to sleep (pass out).
Feeling a lot of fear and stress right now. Big event planned at the house next weekend, my ass is on the line to get a pretty large to do list complete involving contractors, maintenance people, scheduling, replacing light bulbs, the list goes on. On top of this I have my regular work to do.
At least I have this weekend and all next week, which for me will include late nights early in the week to make sure I am ahead of schedule, so that I have room at the end for last minute panic stuff needed to be done by my W that she will have forgotten to give me to do, but this is part of my planning, considering how others will not do their part and I get to clean up for them.
So this morning, up at 7:00 am, riddled with anxiety and fear. I did a new drill on a new online journaling site I found to write down what I have anxiety and fear about, why am I feeling the anxiety and fear, are they justified, and how can I get done what is causing the fear and anxiety. Then I listed good things that I did yesterday, and I made a to do list for today.
THREE LISTS, and NOT LONG ones. This helped a lot.
My shrink has been trying to get me to focus on mentally going over my anxieties, but it had not worked. But it was Tuesday or Wednesday night at the 10:30pm AA meeting, the best one I have ever been to, where the topic was fear, anxiety and not beating ourselves up all the time, and looking at the good we have done and accomplished, I heard multiple times in multiple ways, how this younger group (I am 54, the 10:30 pm crowd is mostly and always 20-30ish) handles it. Their sponsors had told them in different ways, to WRITE DOWN on paper what as the issue at the moment. At the end of the day, WRITE DOWN on paper what you did right that day. First think in the morning WRITE DOWN on paper what is bothering you.
I did this this morning after throwing up. It really helped.
I needed to get this out of my head this morning before heading out to work then to 'hit my list', a brain trash dump for me.
Thanks for reading.
Don't drink today!