Irk, lots going on for you Freedance.
I'm visiting from the Friends and Family forum. New forum members come almost every day asking what they can do to help loved ones with addictions. We all preach: "Take care of your own side of the street.". We preach this over and over again.
Consequently I second, third and forth everything that is being said here: Take care of your alcohol problems first and foremost. It really isn't possible to help anyone else. You can support them if they decide to help themselves but you can't help them.
Let us know how it goes.