SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

08-04-2005, 07:51 PM

# 1 (permalink)

Charlie72

Member

Join Date: Aug 2005

Location: Millbrook, NY

Posts: 3

Junkie...

I posted first in the Newcomers Board and I got a lot of welcoming replies. Some directed me to this board, and this is probably where I belong. Feeling all alone with people in my life expecting me to fall, expecting me to recover. I feel like I'm still recovering from an overdose 18 days ago, but I haven't used since then. Day in and day out, I'm grateful that I'm not where I was 18 days ago, but I find myself rationalizing, and making the oh so familiar excuses to run out and get high "just once". That, of course, is what is always getting me into trouble. I'm finding things that I have left behind, and I'm so tempted, so freaking tempted. After 23 years of drug abuse, I feel that I'm never going to find my way out, unless I kill myself first. Feel like I was meant to live this life. I had been clean for 8 months when I relapsed in March. The last five months have been a living hell. I tried again at the end of May to get it all back together, but it hasn't worked. The heroin just takes hold, and just doesn't seem to let go. It's hard to keep friends, and hard to keep men in my life. No one wants a junkie! I have tried to go to NA meetings, actually only one. I stood at the back of the room for 10 minutes before I decided to walk out. I know I could really use a sponsor, but hard to get myself to go and find one. Looking for any support that I can get.....