I haven't posted in a long time, but this thread was too poignant to not respond.
I would have loved myself more. I would have valued myself more. Not in a selfish way, but quite the opposite. You see, the damage I did trying to "fix" everyone and everything around me benefited no one.
I would have trusted my gut. I now live by a saying from Maya Angelou that says, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." It's important to notice she says "shows" and not "tells". A person's actions will tell you who they are and what they are about. Believe them. Trust your gut and don't try to talk yourself out of what you already know to be true.
Have clear boundaries and stick to them.
And have a good definition of what love truly means. My version was so bastardized and convoluted, it was no wonder I applied that word to so many situations for which it did not belong. I would remind myself that what my exah did was not love, and neither were my responses.
There is hope. It will get better, but you will have to work hard to make it so. Stay on SoberRecovery. When I think back to those dark days, and I know without a doubt I wouldn't have made it through as well as I did without this forum. Reach out. Get the support you need as often as you need it.
BTW, when I divorced my exah six years ago, I had twin four-year-old to care for. Today, they are doing so well, I can't believe it sometimes! Again, there is hope. I wish you the very best.