Originally Posted by
DarkCloudOverMe 
Can I ask how long you have been dealing with him like this for? I am struggling with how much longer I want to live with this and how many screw ups, make ups and excuses I am going to deal with.
The thing is with every time it doesn't hurt as much as I just get more mad at myself for being stupid and staying.
Hard to give an accurate answer. I've known he has a drinking problem for many, many years. It was a problem in our relationship off and on, but honestly I drank along with him, just not as often or as much as he did.
The fact that he is an alcoholic became highlighted for me 2.5 years ago when I was pregnant. I remember begging him at the end of it to please cut back because I was afraid of going into labor and he would be too drunk to drive me to the hospital. He promised he'd stop once the baby arrived. The first year of her life was hell for me at night. Id go to bed exhausted soon after our daughter and he stayed up drinking. I will never forgive him for the lack of help, the many nights he'd promise to get up and then be passed out (at that time I was still in denial that it was truly because of the alcohol), when he did begrudgingly help he was so mean and nasty about it. This was not the man I married. He was horrid until she finally starting sleeping through the night.
His drinking got worse and worse until one night in January he was in charge of her care and he passed out on the floor, her lights on in the middle of the night with her crying. That got him to rehab. And since 6 days after he got home, it's been a roller coaster of lies, hiding alcohol, apologies, begging for another chance, more lies, a trip to the hospital and finally this last binge.
So I'd say its been 6 months since he's been actively lying, hiding, begging for more chances, pretending to be in recovery, but it's been years of disappointment, broken promises and active alcoholism.
Believe me, i am constantly questioning if I've given him enough chances to prove he can commit to recovery. But the fact is that if it takes me filing for divorce for him to get it, it's both a good thing for him and a wake up call for me. I don't want a partner who only does the right thing when threatened with this kind of action. If he doesn't have his own inner strength, then he will always go as far as he can pushing the line until the consequences get too big for him, be damned that they've been too much for me for so much longer. It's kind of a slap in the face, albeit one that could just maybe give my daughter the father she deserves but most definitely one that will give me control of my life back.